Image Copyright Enoch BollesI have many times been on my pretty horse going around the carousel preparing for that moment when I will reach out and grab the brass ring, and just as I grab it and have it in my hand for a fleeting moment of unfettered joy, it falls.
Which leads me to wonder, is it better to have had that ring or the promise of that ring than it is to get the plastic one?
One wonders, doesn't one?
Every choice we make has ripples that move outward into the universe. Some ripples create brass ring moments and others create the opposite. Sometimes something we set in motion takes years to wash up on the shore. I've come to a point where I realize that if something feels really wrong, even if it's something I think we really need to survive, it's probably a good idea to put it back on the shelf. A brass ring isn't worth much anyway. I am now, resolutely, deciding this.
Here's the thing. Though some folks might tell you differently, nothing good ever comes from moving from desperation. Even if you're down to your last penny and the landlord is twirling his mustache with a menacing glint in his eye and your cupboard is so bare there isn't even a cockroach who'd hang out there...even then...if you move from desperation and lack, you will reap more of the same. If you offer the landlord your dignity in exchange for another week's rent, you lose. You see because that's how you are perceiving yourself and your worth, that's how people get swept up in really bad movies. They simply don't see themselves as being worthy of the opposite of desperation. You are worth far, far more than one week's rent. Trust me.
That is the hardest lesson I've had to learn in this lifetime. I've been so far down, so desperate, so hungry that I have on multiple occasions made a decision that felt really wrong but concurrently felt necessary for survival. It's hard to keep faith when you're digging around in the couch cushions for change. I have signed on the dotted line and lived to regret it. Deeply. I have been swayed by the shiny promise of something in a pretty package that turned out to be an empty box.
My advice, both to myself and to you, gentle reader, is to remember that you have immense and incalculable value. Inside of you lies infinite potential. You are extraordinary. You are a uniquely fantastic creation. You deserve joy and success and love.
Do you know that part in the movie when the hero has survived their trials and everything is finally happy and sunny and little cartoon blue birds are singing and the music starts to change? You think, "Oh heck, something bad is about to happen" and then it happens and you think, "Oh no! It can't end like this, can it?"
As long as you're still breathing, it doesn't have to.
If you're feeling like the plucky heroine who is facing the giant demon with a small safety pin and a crap load of moxie, trust that you can prevail. You can triumph, you can seize joy.
Get out your pen and write yourself a happy ending.
Love
Madge
